


That's the Way it's Gonna Be Little Darlin'

by Scarvesandtrenchcoats



Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Horse Racing, Horses, M/M, Medical stuff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, Post War, descriptions of injuries, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-09-23 15:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarvesandtrenchcoats/pseuds/Scarvesandtrenchcoats
Summary: “Eugene Sledge?”The southern drawl wasn’t like his own, it was slower, more drawn out; reminding him of someone.The someone he’d been thinking about constantly for the last year.“Yes Sir, that’s me” he crossed the room to shake the man’s hand. He was well built, powerful arms visible under his sports jacket.“Well, ya’ll be wondering why I’m here then?” he smiled warmly “One o’ my workers, you’re their next ‘a kin and he’s in tha’ hospital so I thought you’d need to know.”Eugene stepped back shocked, he looked over at his mother who was wringing her hands together.He asked a question he already knew the answer to “And who might that be sir?”“Meriell Shelton.”He took a breath, “Mr Sledge. I….. um ya’ do know him, yeah? Have I got the wrong Eugene Sledge?”He dug in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, flapping it about to open it.“Here” he thrust it into Eugene’s hands. “This is you eh?”Eugene looked at the piece of paper shaking in his hands; noticing Shelton’s untidy scrawl, and there under next of kin was his name and a simple: Mobile, Alabama.“Mother” he said warily “I have to go”





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be finished by now and here I am only posting the prologue. I think if you've read anything else I've written, you'll know I'm not the best with deadlines.  
Fair warning now though - this will probably only be updated every couple of weeks as I have another WIP I'm writing as well. I guess this could have waited, but its been sitting in my docs for ages staring at me every time I opened my files.  
The title is from Daryl Braithwaite's song The Horses; which apt, but also a gorgeous song that makes me cry.  
Happy to talk about this fic in more detail with anyone; find me @ivebeensleepingonramimalek on Tumblr. 
> 
> As always I mean no disrespect to the real Sledge and Snafu, and this is based solely on the portrayal of those men by Joe and Rami.  
Please do not send this to either of them or anyone that knows them.  
Enjoy.

The sticky, humid air of New Orleans welcomed him home like a warm embrace; but not the good kind; her arms constricting him in his already sweaty uniform. It was unpleasant. Whether that was from the smell of frying street food mixing with the thick air, or the fact that Snafu felt as though he’d left part of himself behind on that train; he wasn’t sure. 

The platform was crowded and he was pushed along with the throngs of people heading for the exit and for the bright lights and bars of the main streets.  
He was aware of his heavy breathing, sweaty palms and his racing heart as he made it onto the street and moved quickly to prop himself against the wall of a shoe store before he dropped. 

What had he done? Pulling his fingers through his tangled curls, he choked back a sob. Gene would be so alone when he woke. He imagined those mossy coloured eyes opening; not difficult when he’d spent the last 6 months watching him wake up each morning. Gene would scan the train car and realise he'd gone.  
Realise that Snafu was a lyin’ son of a bitch who wasn’t really worth his time. 

Except Snafu knew Gene wouldn’t think that. He’d just be heartbroken. Totally and utterly heartbroken; just as Snafu was.

“Fuck” Tears sprang in the corners of his eyes and he ducked into an alleyway; furiously wiping at his face. What would people think if they saw a Marine crying?  
Maybe they’d think he lost a friend or relative overseas; they would never guess the real reason for his tears. No one would. 

He needed a drink. The hurt coiling round his heart was indescribable; and quite ridiculous seeing as Snafu had brought this all on himself.  


The nearest bar was a dive; full of men who had most likely been there all day and would probably be there for the foreseeable future. A few sat curled over the bar, heads down but hands still gripping their drink of choice firmly.  
The smell reminded him of the bars they frequented in China. Sweat, nicotine and the feel of the sticky floor beneath his feet was somewhat comforting.  
Snafu took a seat next to who he guessed was the only sober person in the room; other than the bar keeper. 

“Welcome home son” the voice from beside him drawled.

Snafu snorted, refusing to make eye contact and attempting to light his cigarette with his battered lighter.

“Here” his neighbour held out a light and Snafu reluctantly looked at the man, muttering a “Thanks” and inhaling deeply. 

“What you havin’?” The bar keeper appeared in front of Snafu looking him up and down,  
“‘Ope you don’ think you’re gettin’ anything free, just cos you wearin’ that” he pointed at Snafu's uniform.

“Whiskey; cheapest you got” Snafu stared him down until he walked off to get his order.

“I ‘ll get tha’” the man next to him said.  
“To thank you an’ all….. for what you did.”

“Cheers” Snafu smiled at him, grateful for anything right now. He had nowhere to go; so staying here a while seemed like a good option. 

The bar keeper rolled his eyes when Snafu’s new friend pushed the money across the bar, snatching it away and turning his back on the two of them immediately.

“Where were you?” The man eyed Snafu curiously, gripping his glass and swirling the dark brown liquid inside. 

“Pacific” Snafu replied, staring into his drink.

“See much action?” He asked.  
Snafu’s spine stiffened, his whole body immediately tensing at the pictures of horror that moved through his vision. He felt the slimy mud beneath his feet, the sharp coral biting into his palms, the smell of death and rotting coconuts.

“Too much” he whispered. Downing his drink; he indicated for another to the bar keeper who scowled at him; obviously wishing he was only there for the one. 

It was evident his new friend wasn’t gonna quieten down anytime soon so Snafu changed the subject. He couldn’t talk about over there. Not yet. Not without Gene. Would it be easier with him here? Probably. He’d only have to touch Snafu’s arm or leg briefly for him to feel at peace, and safe. So safe. Taking a deep breath and willing the lump in his throat away he turned to him;

“What you do then?”

The man grinned, quite pleased to be talking about himself. Snafu watched him closely. He seemed pleasant, jovial maybe was the word; well dressed and obviously had some money. 

“Horse breeder. Have a farm ‘bout an hour away. Just here for some business; you know how it is.”

“Sure, sure” Snafu nodded.

“What you gon’ do now son? You seen your Mama yet……… or you come straight here?”

Snafu turned away, back to the bar keeper, pulling out a few notes and gesturing for another drink. Looking back over to the man he shrugged.

“Who knows?” He muttered.

“You need work?”he raised his bushy eyebrows.  


“I’m two men down” he took a large mouthful of rum, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  
“They went off to Europe……….not heard nothin’ …………..don’t think they’ll be coming’ back……….shame…..good boys they were….good workers.”  


He took a breath “Y’know anythin’ ‘bout horses?”

Snafu knew where this was going, and on one hand he wanted to bolt. This guy didn’t know what he was letting himself in for. China had taught him how fucked up he was; finally living up to his nickname. And he’d had Gene there. No Gene here now, and he was guessing things were not going to be easier just because he was back on US soil.

On the other hand he was shit out of options.

“They have four legs an’ a tail.” He sniggered into his glass; revelling in the burn of the cheap light brown liquid as he swallowed.

“You’re small” the man looked him over

“Gee thanks” Snafu looked at him incredulously

“You ride?” He was pulling at his moustache and Snafu felt like he was under a magnifying glass. 

The question took him back to a patrol on Peleliu. The jungle had been teeming with flies and decaying bodies; as they had made their way through the trees, stepping over corpses, Burgie had been droning on about cattle farming or some shit that Snafu had no interest in.  
“You ride?” He’d asked him.  
Snafu had smirked and turning to look at Gene behind him, he’d drawled “Only red heads” and winked at Gene before he’d fallen over a vine and ended up flat on his face.  
It had made Gene laugh though, so it was worth the embarrassment and cat calling from the others. 

Snafu swallowed his crude answer and shrugged, “A bit, when I was a kid…….. Mamaw had a pony.”

The man studied him carefully; small beady eyes assessing him. Probably wondering if I’m gonna rob him or not, Snafu thought to himself. 

“I ll ask you once and I wan’ an honest answer.’ the man's bushy eyebrows raising up again in question.

Snafu nodded.

“Do you need work?” 

“Yeah……… yeah I do.” Snafu stared at the bar top, digging his nail into the soft wood. If Gene was here he’d write their names into the heavily stained counter with his nail. Maybe draw a heart round them.

“Can you leave tonight?” the man asked.

“Don’t see why not?” Snafu replied downing his whiskey and slamming the glass on the counter.  
He picked up his sea bag and hat and stood expectantly by his stool.  
“Ready when you are.”

“You in a hurry to leave this place again son?”

Snafu sighed “Yeah…….yeah….you could say that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so apprehensive about this fic. Please let me know what you think and as always you can come and chat to me about Sledgefu on Tumblr @ivebeensleepingonramimalek

March 1947

Sledge walked slowly up the driveway; the freshly cut grass permeating his senses and sending him spiralling down memory lane to his childhood.  
Looking over at the lush, mown lawn he was reminded of Deacon and how they’d play for hours out on the grass. He smiled at the memory of hiding behind the large laurel bush when Rose was calling him in for supper, and trying to keep Deacon from barking excitedly.  
Simpler times. He missed them. 

He noticed the car first. It didn’t have an Alabama registration and his first thought was that his father had a guest from out of state. Some doctor or other completing a study and wanted his fathers input.  
But when Tee appeared at the front door, his stomach dropped. Back then, he wasn’t sure why, but when he’d look back on this day; he’d realise deep down he knew why his body reacted the way it did. 

“You have a visitor Eugene.” Tee politely informed him; and there was that feeling again, like his stomach was gonna fall out his behind. 

Entering the lounge he saw his mother nervously perched on the edge of the winged arm chair. She was staring out the window; avoiding eye contact with the large man that seemed to take up a good deal of space in their frankly, oversized room. 

Eugene took a calming breath. He could smell the herbs Rose was using to make supper and the scent of cigar smoke mixed nauseatingly with it. 

His mother looked over at him as he cleared his throat, making his presence known. She seemed caught off guard at seeing him and smiled tightly. 

“Eugene Sledge?”

The southern drawl wasn’t like his own, it was slower, more drawn out; reminding him of someone.  
The someone he’d been thinking about constantly for the last year.

“Yes Sir, that’s me” he crossed the room to shake the man’s hand. He was well built, powerful arms visible under his sports jacket.

“Well, ya’ll be wondering why I’m here then?” he smiled warmly “One o’ my workers, you’re their next ‘a kin and he’s in tha’ hospital so I thought you’d need to know.”

Eugene stepped back shocked, he looked over at his mother who was wringing her hands together.

He asked a question he already knew the answer to “And who might that be sir?”

“Merriell Shelton.”  
He took a breath, “Mr Sledge. I….. um ya’ do know him, yeah? Have I got the wrong Eugene Sledge?”

He dug in his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, flapping it about to open it.  
“Here” he thrust it into Eugene’s hands. “This is you eh?”

Eugene looked at the piece of paper shaking in his hands; noticing Shelton’s untidy scrawl, and there under next of kin was his name and a simple: Mobile, Alabama.

“Mother” he said warily “I have to go.”

The next 5 minutes were a blur. He felt like he was watching someone else perform the tasks he needed to do in order to leave.  
Taking the stairs two at a time he ran to his bedroom, pulled a suitcase off the top of his wardrobe and proceeded to throw any clothes he could find into it.  
Tee appeared at his door.

“Eugene, would you like some assistance” he asked calmly.

“No.....no thank you Tee...........I have to go.” He was breathing hard and he sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. 

“If you are sure?” Tee backed slowly out the door.  
Since Eugene had returned from the Pacific, everyone in the house had tended to avoid him if they felt he was in any way stressed or emotional. Except his father. And his father was nowhere to be found right now.

He had to go. There was absolutely no way he couldn’t. He heart beat violently in his chest at the thought of anything happening to Snafu. Granted he hadn’t seen him for a year and he still harboured a slight annoyance and heartbreak over the fact he’s just left him on the train, no address, nothing.  
But time heals wounds and more than anything else he wanted to see him. Had to see him. Had to see that he was ok.  
The man downstairs hadn’t even said what was wrong, was it serious? Had he needed surgery. He had so many questions. 

“Eugene?” His mother’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, lifting his head he saw her clutching at her pearls, a deep frown etched on her perfectly made up face.

She looked past him at the suitcase laying open on his bed. 

“Eugene, please tell me you are not actually thinking of going with this man?”

“What?” Eugene stood up.  
“Of course I am. My friend..........my friend... I have to see him mother. I need to see he’s ok.”  
He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he thought about Snafu’s beautiful face. Remembered his expression as he heard of Ack Ack’s death, his face as he laughed at something Eugene had said, the softening of his features as he slept, the pleasure washing over him as Eugene pushed inside him. Emotion swept over him like a wave, heaving out a sob, he fell back on to his bed and placed his head in his hands. 

“Eugene?” His father’s soft voice appeared at his door.

“Whatever is going on?”  
“Mary Frank? What is wrong?”

“Eugene got bad news.” She muttered  
“And now he is leaving. Apparently.”  
She walked out of Eugene’s room, knowing full well that Eugene would prefer to speak to his father about such matters.  
Eugene heard the click clack of her heels and the door closing gently.  
He felt the bed dip beside him as his father sat down. 

Lifting his head, he looked at his father. His face was etched with concern.  
“Son?”

“It’s Merriell” Eugene whispered “He’s in the hospital........I have to go......I can’t.....what if he.......” the tears flowed freely over Eugene’s red cheeks as his Edward pulled him close. 

“Eugene. I think you should go.” He said calmly

“You do?” Eugene sniffed, looking up at his father.

“From what you’ve told me about Mr Shelton..... I think it’s important that you do.” 

“He doesn’t have anyone else father.” Eugene said sadly

“Then there’s no question. But......it is a good old drive to New Orleans......I do think you should speak to the gentleman downstairs about Mr Shelton’s condition before you leave, save you worrying the whole way.” Edward patted his son on the back. 

Eugene nodded slowly.  
“Will you be there? You ll understand more than me.”

“Of course son. If you want me there.” He smiled sadly at Eugene. How much more emotional upheaval could his son take?

“So.....Mr?......”

“Landry. Mr Landry. Silver Creek Stud” Edward shook his hand firmly while Eugene sat wondering why Snafu was anywhere near a stud farm. 

“Please have a seat, Mr Landry.” Edward gestured to the wing back chair Eugene had previously found his mother occupying. 

“Tee, please ask Rose to prepare some tea for our guest.”  
Tee looked sadly at Eugene and headed for the kitchen. 

Edward sat next to Eugene on the couch and leant forward, elbows on his knees. 

“Mr Landry, I’m sure you ll understand, my son here is understandably worried about Mr Shelton’s condition. Having been through the war together, they........well they were good friends.” Edward looked over at Eugene who was staring at the floor. 

“Ahhhhh war buddies. Right, well I did wonder how Merriell knew someone so........” he waved his hand around.  
“Don’t think he’s from money ‘imself.”

“Yes, well.” Edward frowned. Eugene watched as his face turned down in displeasure. His father may have been from a wealthy family, but talk of money and class did not sit well with him. 

“How is he?” Eugene blurted out. He just wanted to know if he needed to be prepared for what he’d see when he got down there.  
Edward placed his hand on Eugene’s knee, squeezing gently.

“Eehhh, well. He’s not awake.” Mr Landry avoided Eugene’s intense stare, looking at Edward instead. 

Eugene felt like the floor had been ripped out from underneath his feet. If he hadn’t been sitting down he would have collapsed. He felt his heart rate pick up. 

“What?” Eugene knew his voice sounded thin, weak and barely above a whisper. 

“He’s........what...........what happened to him?” He saw his father frown and look at the floor, “Father! What does that mean? Will he wake up?” Eugene sounded desperate, voice rising but shaking on every word.

Edward cleared his throat. “Mr Landry, what happened exactly?”

“Was racing. Racing my horse, best one I got.....beautiful stallion, pure bred, coat as red as Master Sledge’s hair here.” He pointed a meaty finger in Eugene’s direction.

“Well yes.... ummm very good. But what actually happened .........to Mr Shelton?”  
Eugene could tell his father was losing patience with the man. His face was red and he fiddled with his moustache. 

“He fell. Nasty one an’ all. Horse tripped and Merriell went over ‘is head. Then Pace, that’s ‘is stable name, he clipped him on ‘is way past.”

Eugene felt the blood draining from his face and blackness creeping in from both sides of his vision.  
He felt his father place a hand behind his head and gently push his head down between his legs. 

“Breathe Eugene” His father’s voice was next to his ear. Eugene heard him explain to Mr Landry  
“Eugene has a heart murmur. Doesn’t do well with shocks.”

“Bet the war was interesting then?” Mr Landry quipped.

Eugene gritted his teeth. “The only reason I’m here today is because of Merriell.”  
He stood on shaky legs; “Take me to see him please.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mr Shelton has considerable injuries I’m afraid. He hasn’t woken since the fall.”
> 
> Eugene wouldn’t cry. Not in here. He needed to be strong. He took a deep breath.
> 
> “Is he......is he gonna be ok?” His voice sounded like a child’s. Mr Landry patted his arm, grounding him somewhat.
> 
> “I’m sorry. At this moment in time we really don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of injuries in this chapter, just in case anyone doesn't like that sort of thing. I'll admit that researching how hospitals worked and how injuries were treated in the 1940's was pretty unsuccessful, so please just maybe gloss over anything that might not have existed then!
> 
> Just want to say thanks so much for all the kind comments and messages about this fic. They mean the world to me and keep me motivated to write more.
> 
> This is an early posting, but as of next week the updates will slow as I'm back at work (boooooo) - so apologies in advance. 
> 
> As always feel free to come and talk to me about Sledgefu on Tumblr @ivebeensleepingonramimalek

The car was stifling hot; the window beside Eugene opened completely, yet there didn’t seem to be any movement of air into the car. It was warm for March and the still air reminded him of Peleliu.

_“Here” Snafu handed him his water flask._

_Eugene opened his eyes. Everything was blurred, his head hurt and his mouth was a dry as a desert, “Snafu?” He squinted at the figure in front of him._

_“Snaf, I don’t feel so good.” Eugene’s stomach rolled. It was empty, he knew that. He hadn’t eaten anything all day._

_“Heat stroke” he heard Bill’s voice, “Better get the doc.”_

_“Here, Gene.” He felt Snafu sit beside him; closer than necessary. Snafu took Eugene’s hand and wrapped it around his flask._

_“Drink some. You’ll feel betta” Snafu’s voice was soothing and Eugene just wanted to sleep. He laid his head on Snafu’s shoulder and after taking a few sips of water, he drifted off again._

Eugene startled awake.

“You ok there son?” Mr Landry looked over chuckling

“Ya were out for a good ‘ol time there…… you ok?”

Eugene looked out the window, blushing. He really hoped he hadn’t said anything too incriminating while sleeping. He was known to talk.

“Yeah, just…… I’m tired. I don’t sleep too good at night.”

“Like Merriell.” Mr Landry grunted.

“Huh?” Eugene was still processing the fact that this man knew Snafu, that they were having conversations about him, that they were on the way to see him. His stomach flipped at the thought.

“He doesn’t sleep so good……never ‘as…..not since the day I met ‘im.”

Eugene was curious. Snafu had never mentioned horses. Burgie did constantly; talking about mares and stallions and breeding charts and blood lines, Snafu always looking completely uninterested at the topic of conversation. But then that was Snafu all over wasn’t it? Never knew what was going on up there, thought Eugene.

“How did……. how did you meet Sna…..I mean Merriell? How did you meet him?”

“In Nawlins……was there for work. He was drinking in a bar and looking mighty sorry for himself. Needed a job so……..” Mr Landry shrugged.

“He’s small. I needed a jockey……….lost some men over in Europe……….good men…..I needed him as much as he needed me.”

Eugene stilled; “How long has he worked for you?”

“‘Bout a year. Just off the train the day I met ‘im.”

The day he left me behind, Eugene thought as he turned his attention out the window to hide the sting of tears in his eyes.

“Didn’t know he could ride?” Eugene mumbled still looking at the passing cotton fields and bright blue sky.

“Oh he can ride. Best I’ve seen!”

“You should know that” he chuckled to himself.

Eugene turned, shocked at Mr Landry’s comment. He felt like someone had thrown iced water at him. Did he …….know? What had Snafu said? Did he know Eugene was a homosexual? Fuck, was this a trap? Maybe it was a set up and he was taking him to the police?

Eugene’ breath disappeared from him for the third time that day.

“Pull over!” Eugene’s breath was coming in short sharp bursts. The panic was rising; he had to get out of the car.

Mr Landry looked shocked, but one peek at Eugene’s pale face and he did as he was told.

Eugene flung open the door before the car had even stopped, tearing himself out of his seat and into the humid air outside.

He sat down in the dirt and looked at the ground, his breathing was still shallow and he tried desperately to deepen it.

No one except his father knew about his and Snafu’s relationship; and he intended to keep it that way.

Mr Landry sat down beside him. He took a deep breath.

“It’s not as unusual as you think son.”

Eugene stared at him, heart still hammering. He didn’t want to speak, didn’t want to incriminate himself. Eugene needed to know exactly how much Snafu had told him.

“Back last summer a friend visited me” Mr Landry looked at Eugene with his eyebrows raised.

“Y’know.......I should have been more careful.....but I guess I wasn’t thinking. Well......” he sniggered “.........wasn’t thinking with my brain anyway.”

Eugene knew what was coming. He leant his head back against the car and listened.

“I guess I knew about Merriell long before he knew ‘bout me. He was always writin’ letters; I just figured he had a sweetheart somewhere.”

Eugene’s guts twisted with jealousy at the thought of Snafu with anyone else; male or female. Yet he knew damn well what he got up to before the war, Snaf had told him so himself. But that was before Gene. Was he still up to his old tricks? They weren’t together, so no reason why he wouldn’t be. Eugene’s stomach lurched uncomfortably.

He’d spent the last year getting over Snafu and now he was back feeling like he did that day on the train.

Mr Landry looked carefully at Eugene, watching as a tear made its way down Eugene’s pale face.

“I know now, the letters.......... he neva sent ‘em..........but......they was all for ya.”

Eugene looked up, wiping his tears with back of his hand.

“What?”

“I wasn’t snoopin’” Mr Landry held up his hands

“I was lookin’ for ‘is next of kin papers.....it was there in a drawer with the letters.......all with your name an’ address.”

“Seems like it’s only been ya a while now.......neva seen him with anyone else......neva bought anyone home.”

Eugene felt like his eyes would pop out of his skull. He was gaping at Mr Landry.

“Son, I don’t judge.........I can’t can I? Not with me bein’ ........as well” he sighed.

“I...........” Eugene swallowed.

The thought of Snaf sitting writing to him and then deciding not to send the letters made his heart hurt. He cursed him though, why hadn’t he sent them?

If only Eugene had made some effort to let him know that he was struggling. Struggling to get over him, struggling with life in general. Eugene’s mind whirred, thinking about what he should have done. And now?

Now it might be too late.

Eugene let his tears fall; no longer embarrassed in front of this stranger who seemed to know all manner of intimacies about him.

“C’mon son” Mr Landry’s big hand patted his back.

“I think we need to get you to your boy.”

Eugene’s heart nearly stopped at the realisation of someone saying something like that to him.

He studied Mr Landry’s face and nodded slowly, a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, I think we do.........thank you” he whispered.

The rest of the car journey was uneventful. Knots of apprehension grew in Eugene’s stomach the closer they got to New Orleans.

“Ya wanna stop for some dinner?” Mr Landry looked over at Eugene.

“No. Thank you. I’m not hungry.”

“Y’know...... they ain’t gonna let you stay overnight. I ll wait for ya.........farm isn’t far from ‘ere.”

“I appreciate that. I just.......I think I ll stay in a hotel......just a couple of nights.” Eugene fiddled with the cuff of his shirt and mumbled “I need......I’d like to be near........when.........um.......if he wakes up.”

Fortunately Eugene missed the grimace that crossed Mr Landry’s face, too busy watching New Orleans come into view from out the window.

The scent of sterilising fluid hit him as soon as he walked through the hospital doors, the sickly smell making his stomach turn unpleasantly.

“Sit ‘ere for a bit Eugene. I need to find ‘is doc.” Mr Landry pushed him down onto a metal chair and Eugene tried not to throw up. He tilted his head back against the glass, closing his eyes and breathing deeply; willing the nausea away.

_“Snaf, you’re gonna be fine.” Eugene pushed Snafu’s curls away from his sweaty forehead. He was clammy and cold and Eugene realised Snafu should have been in the hospital tent way before it got this bad._

_“It ‘urts though Gene” Snafu mumbled, pouting at Eugene._

_Eugene smiled at how quickly Snafu’s demeanor had changed when he realised people were gonna need to look after him for a bit._

_They had a weeks rest ahead and Eugene prayed that Snafu would be well enough to head back out with them. He couldn’t do this without him._

_“Don’t go” Snafu pulled on his white t-shirt._

_“Please Gene” Snafu’s eyes were wet, and Eugene saw something akin to fear hiding behind those big irises._

_“What do we have here?” Doc asked jovially. How anyone could stay so jolly in this place was a mystery to Eugene._

_“Infection I think” Eugene answered as he rolled up Snafu’s trouser leg, pointing to a sore on his shin._

_“He’s cold and clammy…..has been for two days……only let me bring him today ‘cos he didn’t feel like eating.”_

_“You did good son” the doc clapped him on the back._

_“He’s not well…….needs fluids and antibiotics”_

_Snafu whimpered, pulling tighter on Eugenes shirt._

“Mr Sledge?”

“Mr Sledge?” Eugene woke suddenly to a doctor peering closely at him and shaking his shoulder.

“Yes……….umm sorry……..I drifted off. It’s been a long day” Eugene shuffled in the uncomfortable metal set, rubbing his eyes and smiling apologetically at the doctor.

“Yes I can understand that” he replied kindly.

“Doctor Brown” he held out his hand for Eugene to shake.

“As Mr Shelton’s next of kin, I need to discuss some matters with you regarding his accident and hopeful recovery”his ummm.....recovery” he pushed his glasses back up his nose

“Will you come with me please?”

“Can......can he come too?” Eugene nodded over the doctors shoulder at Mr Landry.

“Ummm well of course if you would like him to? It’s confidential information but as the next of kin you can give permission for others to have access to it.”

“Mr Landry?” The doctor turned, and Eugene didn’t miss the look he gave him as he ushered them both away.

Eugene just needed someone else’s ears to be listening to what was bound to be a barrage of information. He knew he wouldn’t remember it all, hell, he probably wouldn’t understand half of it.

They entered a small office; much like Eugene’s fathers and he and Mr Landry took a seat in front of the messy desk; covered with papers and charts.

“Mr. Sledge, do you know what happened to Mr Shelton? Why he ended up here?”

Eugene cleared his throat “A.....a fall.......from a horse.”

“Correct. A fall at particularly high speed I might add, and unfortunately the horse kept right on running and clipped Mr.Shelton’s head.” Dr Brown looked at a clipboard on his desk, frowning.

Mr Shelton has considerable injuries I’m afraid. He hasn’t woken since the fall.”

Eugene wouldn’t cry. Not in here. He needed to be strong. He took a deep breath.

“Is he......is he gonna be ok?” His voice sounded like a child’s. Mr Landry patted his arm, grounding him somewhat.

“I’m sorry. At this moment in time we really don’t know.”

The speed at which his heart rate beganto accelerate again surprised him. He was gonna end up in a hospital bed right beside Snafu if he wasn’t careful.

“How long...” he stuttered out a breath “.....how long has he been unconscious?”

“Three days.” The Doctor looked sympathetically at Eugene.

“His pupils are responding to light, so that is promising. He’s heavily medicated anyway, regardless. He has three broken ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken ankle. We also suspect his skull is fractured, and quite possibly his cheekbone.”

Eugene squeezed his eyes shut. Tears threatened to escape, he placed his hands over his face, and drew in a deep breath.

How had he been so stupid? Why hadn’t he gone to find him? Written to him? Done something?

And now he may not have the chance to tell Snafu how much he loved him. Always had done. Probably always would.

He sniffed, huffing out a breath and raising his wet eyes to meet the doctor’s kind brown ones.

“Would you like to see him? He hasn’t had many visitors.”

Eugene’s heart broke again at that and he whimpered pathetically. The thought of Snafu here all by himself, suffering and in pain was unbearable. Even if he was unconscious, there should have been someone here; holding his hand, talking tohim.

“Yes.......please.” He whispered.

“I will warn you, his injuries are severe. His appearance is quite shocking. Please prepare yourself for that.”

After signing some papers agreeing that certain medications could be given to Snafu, Eugene was ushered out into the brightly lit hallway. The hospital was quiet, the late hour meaning most visitors had already left.

Eugene stood leaning up against the wall of the corridor while the doctor spoke to Mr Landry. He was exhausted, this day seemed to be never ending.

“I do think someone should be with him” Eugene heard Dr Brown murmur quietly to Mr Landry.

“It’s ok doc, I’ll go with ‘im.....I’ve seen the boy.....no shocks for me.”

“Ok good. Mr Sledge? I will see you tomorrow, try and get some sleep.” Dr Brown walked back to his office and Eugene tried to ignore the nausea brewing in his stomach again.

After walking down a couple of never ending corridors, Mr Landry stopped and talked to a nurse. She was filling in a chart outside a darkened room, and looked over Mr Landry’s shoulder at Eugene. Her face was impassive but Eugene knew she was trying to hide a look of sympathy.

She nodded at somethingMr Landry said and made her way over to Eugene.

“Mr Sledge. Ummmm Mr Shelton has a couple of serious injuries to his face and head. Please......just.....be prepared.”

She touched his arm gently and smiled sadly at Eugene’s tired, pale face.

He nodded politely and Mr Landry gestured to the darkened room to Eugene’s right.

Eugene felt like everything went in slow motion as he cracked open the door, Mr Landry following closely behind. A small lamp sat on the bedside table, throwing a gentle glow over the prone figure in the bed, illuminating his face.

“Snafu!” Eugene wailed as he took in the sight of the only person he’d ever loved, face distorted by bloody bandages.

He dropped to the floor, sobbing; as Mr Landry attempted to catch him.

“Snafu” he whispered as he sat crumpled in the doorway, feeling like his whole world had just collapsed around him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Snaf........” Eugene began as he watched Doc fill a syringe with a clear fluid.
> 
> “No......no......call me.....call me...” Snafu was shifting on the bed uncontrollably again.
> 
> “Snaf no..........Jesus you wanna....”
> 
>   
“Eugene, it might help” Doc said nonchalantly. 
> 
> Eugene nodded curtly and bending over to whisper in Snafu’s ear he whispered 
> 
> “Baby I’m here.........I’m here.........you’re gonna be ok...............”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene cries. A lot. 
> 
> This is a bit of a filler chapter, apologies; but there is a flashback that I actually cried over while writing so enjoy that.
> 
> ************************************************

Finding a young man holding the hand of his ill friend wasn’t the most shocking thing Nurse Hathaway had seen in her time at the hospital; but it was one of the most interesting.

She smiled as she placed a thin blanket over Eugene’s back; he was gonna ache tomorrow that’s for sure. She studied him carefully; he was pale and thin and had the most unusual coloured hair she’d ever seen. Pretty auburn eyelashes fanned out over his milky white skin; his long fingers grasping tightly onto Mr Shelton’s hand, like he never wanted to let go.

“He has to leave” her colleague whispered over her shoulder.

“You know we ll get it from the Matron if he’s here all night.”

“Avery, no. I was here when he arrived. Leave him be........he’s exhausted.”

“Are they.......I mean is he.......?” Avery nodded her head at Eugene’s sleeping form “Y’know?”

“Never seen two men hold hands before” she added in a curious tone.

“It’s none of our business.........you’d do well to remember that.” Nurse Hathaway gave her a stern look and marched off out the door.

The starched sheets scratched at Eugene’s face as he shifted in his sleep. He sat up suddenly; every muscle in his back screaming at him for falling asleep in a chair, bent over himself onto Merriell’s bed. His hand still clasped Snafu’s like a lifeline; he reluctantly pulled his sweaty palm away as he leant back into the lumpy armchair beside Snafu’s hospital bed. He was still drowsy and a quick look at his watch told him it was only 5am; he hadn’t actually slept that long in months.

Closing his eyes and pulling the thin blanket around him, he drifted off again.

_Eugene could feel the heat of Snafu’s stare through the eerie light of their foxhole. He was supposed to be on watch, but it wasn’t quite dark yet and Snafu kept distracting him._

_“Gene.......” Snafu’s slow drawl cut through the quiet; making Eugene’s name sound drawn out and sensual. He only spoke to him in this way when they were alone; well, as alone as they could be out here._

_Eugene smiled softly over at Snafu, his hand grabbing his shin and thumbing at his dungaree leg._

_“What’s up Snaf........ you tryin’ to distract me?”_

_“Always Cher.....but I ain’t really distracting you.......was just lookin’.” He winked at Eugene and smirked._

_“Yeah well I can’t concentrate so cut it out.” Eugene squeezed Snafu’s leg and turned back to the slowly darkening jungle in front of him._

_“Well I can’t sleep.........not without.......” Snafu moved round awkwardly in the small space, kicking Eugene in the back as he reached for his poncho._

_He threw it over his head and Eugene raised his brows questioningly._

_Snafu lifted the bottom of the poncho up over Eugene’s head and grabbed his cheeks with his filthy hands._

_“Not without this” he breathed into Eugene’s mouth, before slotting his lips with Eugene’s and sighing._

The piercing, morning light burned Eugene’s pupils as he awoke to the sound of curtains being pulled and a trolley noisily making its way down the corridor outside Snafu’s room.

“Good morning” a young, blonde nurse who Eugene recognised from last night was smiling brightly at him from the foot of Snafu’s bed.

“Ummmm yes.......hello.....” Eugene attempted to clear his throat.

“Hello...... nurse?”

“Hathaway. But, Marjorie is fine Mr Sledge.”

She held out her hand and Eugene stood quickly to shake it.

“Please call me Eugene.” He croaked, throat still dry from disuse.

“I ll get you some coffee” Marjorie smiled warmly, “Sounds like you need it.”

“Thank you.” Eugene waited until she’d walked away before stretching, then folding the blanket and placing it neatly at the bottom of Snafu’s bed.

He gingerly placed his hand over Snafu’s foot, squeezing gently. The need to be constantly touching him was irresistible; even if subconsciously he was just fulfilling the need to check he was still alive.

Snafu’s ankle was in a heavy plaster of paris; Eugene pulled the sheet back and frowned at the bulky, white cast contrasting with Snafu’s bony, caramel skinned foot.

Replacing the sheet, his eyes travelled up Snafu’s body, small and fragile under the white bed sheet. The bronzed skin of his arms stood out against the sheets, but was marred by a huge purple bruise at his left collar bone. The skin there was mottled and the bruising extended up his neck and across towards his shoulder.

“God, Snaf.........what the hell were you doin’ huh?” Eugene whispered. His fingers trembled as he stroked them across Snafu’s cheek. The damage to his face was predominantly on his left, and Eugene was trying hard not to pay much attention to it. His stomach flipped uncomfortably every time he thought about what might be hiding under the bandages.

Eugene pressed his lips together, considering. His lips tingled with the want to kiss Snafu. He’d waited so long, too long to see him again; and now he was here he wanted, so, so badly. He could never resist Snafu, his self control was embarrassingly weak around him.

Pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek and sighing softly, he pulled back and stared at Snafu. Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes, and as he reached into his jacket for a tissue he saw nurse Hathaway watching him with interest. He waited for the shock of what he’d just done to register with her, but Marjorie just hummed to herself.

“I’m so glad he has someone here with him.” Smiling warmly at Eugene, she bustled around setting coffee and some biscuits on a tray next to his chair.

“He’s been alone for the most part.” She said.

“He doesn’t know though.....right? He doesn’t know there was no one here does he?” Eugene tried not to cry. Snafu had told him a bit about his family, or lack thereof; he basically had no one.

Nurse Hathaway placed a hand on Eugene’s shoulder and gently sat him into the armchair.

“No Eugene, he doesn’t know. But..........but you should talk to him........maybe it will help.”

“Help him wake up?” Eugene’s hopeful expression almost broke Marjorie’s heart in two.

“Well we don’t know that for sure. I actually think it will help you.” She handed him his coffee.

“Mr Shelton is obviously very important to you, yes?”

Eugene nodded quickly “We were ummmm............war buddies, shared a fox hole an’ all......he saved me a couple of times, kept me in line.”

Eugene grinned at the memory of Snafu shouting at him the first day on Peleliu when he had tried to take his boondockers off.

“I can only imagine” Marjorie replied. “Friendship is so important in situations like that.”

She wasn’t going to push Eugene to admit anything more about his relationship with Mr Shelton, but she had a feeling this went beyond being friends.

Eugene watched as Marjorie took Snafu’s blood pressure and temperature and shone a small light into his eyes. She sighed as she scribbled some notes on a clipboard; placing it back at the foot of Snafu’s bed, she looked at Eugene carefully.

“Eugene, I think you should get some sleep - proper sleep. Mr. Landry left a key for a hotel room. It’s just across the street;” she gestured to the window where the bright, sunny Louisiana day looked back in at them.

“You’ll be no good to Mr Shelton if he wakes and you are delirious from lack of sleep.”

“I don’t ..........I don’t wanna leave him......I don’t want him waking up alone.” Eugene swallowed the lump in his throat and shifted in his chair.

“He doesn’t like.........he’s not good with medical things......he’ll be scared.” A tear made it’s way slowly down Eugene’s cheek, wiping it away quickly he sniffed

“I’m sorry......it’s been so long since I’ve seen him.....I’m just.....I’m a bit overwhelmed.......and......shocked I think...sorry.” Eugene stared at the floor, embarrassed that a young woman had seen a Marine cry.

“Eugene.” Marjorie perched on the side of Snafu’s bed and took Eugene’s hands in her own.

“Eugene, I am going to be honest with you ok?”

Eugene nodded, eyes still on the cream coloured floor. It was a stupid colour for a hospital floor; the blood must be a nightmare to clean off, Eugene thought.

“There’s a strong possibility Mr Shelton won’t wake up. You do understand that don’t you?”

Eugene pulled his hands away from the nurse, standing up suddenly.

“He will wake up” He gritted out, emotion and anger bubbling to his normally calm surface.

“He has to..........I have to believe he will!”

Eugene shouted, face red, tears rolling down his cheeks.

He fell back into the chair behind him

“He has to” he murmured, sobs wracking his body.

Marjorie placed her arm around Eugene’s shoulder, handing him a tissue.

“You need to sleep. Properly. This has been a huge shock for you Eugene.....please. You have to take care of yourself.”

Eugene hadn’t felt this emotional or angry since Ack Ack’s death; he didn’t want his mind going the places it had been at that time.

“You don’t think he’ll wake up today?” He asked sadly, knowing full well what the answer would be.

Marjorie shook her head, her mouth drawn in a tight line.

“No Eugene, I don’t think so.”

Eugene had met briefly with Dr Brown before reluctantly leaving Snafu’s bedside.

He felt like he was tearing off one of his own limbs, leaving him behind like that.

He wondered had it felt like that for Snaf; when he left Eugene on the train?

The hotel was, as promised right across the street and Dr. Brown had assured him that he would notify Eugene immediately if there was any change with Snafu’s condition.

Eugene checked in and made his way up the stairs to his room. He felt like he was wading through the thick mud on Okinawa, his legs were heavy and his head was pounding. Marjorie was right, he needed some decent sleep. Whether or not he’d be able to get it without waking up screaming was the question.

His room was large and airy, the spring sunshine lighting the bed invitingly. Eugene placed his suitcase at the foot of the bed and made his way to the window. Gazing out at New Orleans 5 floors below him, he watched as people carried on with their days as if nothing was wrong.

But everything was wrong. How could everyone be carrying on as normal when Eugene felt like his world was crashing down around him?

He pressed the heel of his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling again.

However, he was alone; alone to do as he pleased, so he let the tears fall freely as he pushed himself away from the window and collapsed down on the bed. Burying his face in a pillow Eugene broke down.

_His dreamless sleep was interrupted by someone rushing into the tent._

_A hand on his shoulder, shaking him_

_“Sledge, Sledge...wake up.”_

_Eugene peered through the darkness and saw Burgie leaning over him._

_“What’s going on?” He asked confused, the camp was quiet around them; no tell tale sounds of men preparing for a gun fight._

_“It’s Snafu.”_

_Eugene’s stomach dropped and he fought back the need to throw up._

_“What?” Eugene shouted “What’s happened?” He launched himself out of bed pulling on his boots and t-shirt as quick as if he’d been told he was under fire._

_“He’s asking for you. He’s not well Eugene.” Burgie clapped him on his shoulder_

_“Let’s go.”_

_Eugene ran faster than he probably ever had in his life; the medical tent wasn’t far, but Eugene felt like he was running forever._

_Snafu had been ok when Eugene had visited him just that evening. He’d been teasing him which meant he was almost back to his old self. Snafu did not like the hospital though; anytime he needed an injection or any wound cleaning, Eugene had been called to be with him._

_As they neared the medical tent; Eugene heard cries. Unmistakably Snafu-like wails cut through the peace of the camp._

_Hurtling into the tent and almost colliding with Doc, Eugene pushed past anyone who was standing between him and Snafu._

_“Snaf?” Eugene called, shouldering past the nurse at his bedside._

_He stopped short when he saw Snafu’s face; he was ghostly pale, sweat ran down his temples as his body shook uncontrollably and his features twisted in agony._

_“Snaf!” Eugene wailed pitifully as he felt_

_a hand on his shoulder._

_“Eugene. I need you to talk to him. He’s not letting us near him. The penicillin dose isn’t working. He’s gonna end up with septic shock. We need to sort that wound again, he needs higher doses of drugs. Please can you calm him.” Eugene turned to Doc who looked about as panicked as Eugene felt._

_He nodded, “yeah....yeah I’ll try.”_

_“He’s becoming delirious, he needs to know you’re here.” Doc moved away taking the rest of the medical staff with him and closing the thin curtain around the cubicle; leaving Eugene and Burgie standing next to Snafu’s bedside._

_Eugene eyed Burgie; a blush creeping over his cheeks._

_“Ummm Burgie, I’m gonna have to.......”_

_“It’s fine Sledge.....do what ya have to do.” He squeezed Snafu’s shoulder_

_“Just........just help him” he added before he stepped behind the curtain._

_“Snaf.” Eugene whispered, brushing his curls away from his sticky forehead._

_He was still shaking, but taking Snafu’s hot hand in his, Eugene could tell his fever was incredibly high._

_Snafu looked blankly at Eugene, his big pale eyes almost looking through him. Eugene felt a chill run down his spine._

_“Merriell?” He tried_

_“Baby?” Eugene said under his breath, every muscle in his body taught at the possibility of someone hearing him say that to another man._

_Snafu just blinked at him, slowly like an owl._

_“They’re not gonna hurt you baby” he whispered. He placed his forehead against the side of Snafu’s head, just above his ear, grasping his left hand in his own so tightly he knew he’d leave marks._

_“Please Merriell?.......please let the Doc get you sorted. I..........I kinda like you a lot and I dunno...........” Eugene’s voice broke round a cry “.........I dunno if I can do this without you.” He cried softly into Snafu’s ear._

_Eugene looked up and saw Snafu’s eyes had closed. He panicked, he could hear him breathing but septic shock was bad and what if he was unconscious?_

_He leant down and taking a deep breath, he kissed Snafu hard. Feeling his chapped, dry lips on his own made his tummy flip._

_“Baby” he whispered again, against Snafu’s mouth._

_“Please..........”_

_“Gene?”_

_Eugene jumped back, looking at Snafu carefully. He looked confused, frightened even._

_“Gene?” Snafu cried, pulling Eugene onto his shaking body._

_“Gene they’re doin’ things to me. They know.......they’re doin’ experiments on me....see why I......” Snafu rambled into Eugene’s ear._

_“Hey, hey” Eugene soothed. He lifted himself up and sat on the side of the bed. Snafu’s hands grabbing for him and pulling on his t-shirt._

_“No!” He wailed_

_“Please Gene.....don’t leave me ‘ere...!”_

_“Snaf.......relax. I’m right here.” Eugene calmly took Snafu’s left hand in both of his, rubbing the thin skin over his knuckles gently._

_“I’m right here” he said again, watching as Snafu’s breathing became less erratic._

_Outside the curtain he could hear Burgie talking to the Doc._

_“They’re really close.....I think....well you might think what he’s gonna have to do is strange...”_

_The knots in Eugene’s stomach eased as he heard Doc’s reply,_

_“Burgie........I’ve seen plenty here to shock a man. Two men.......two men closer than....... well.....let’s just say it stays here.”_

_“Thank you Doc” Burgie replied and Eugene blew out a breath._

_“Knock knock” Doc poked his head around the curtain_

_“How’s he doin’?”_

_“Gene” Snafu tried to sit up, looking suspiciously at Doc, continuing to shake and sweat profusely._

_“Snaf....c’mon” Eugene pushed gently on his shoulders._

_“Gene....... Gene I’m scared” Eugene froze in shock at Snafu’s words. He never had and, never thought he’d ever hear Snafu say that. Snafu’s eyes were wide with fear and Eugene blinked back tears._

_“Snaf........” Eugene began as he watched Doc fill a syringe with a clear fluid._

_“No......no......call me.....call me...” Snafuwas shifting on the bed uncontrollably again._

_“Snaf no..........Jesus you wanna....”_

_“Eugene, it might help” Doc said nonchalantly._

_Eugene nodded curtly and bending over to whisper in Snafu’s ear he whispered_

_“Baby I’m here.........I’m here.........you’re gonna be ok...............”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Snaf.....I’m so sorry.”  
Eugene clasped Snafu’s hand between his, resting his forehead on their joined hands. He closed his eyes and just let everything out. Everything he should have said in China. Everything he should have said on the train. Everything he should have put in a letter.  
There was one constant. At all those times there was one thing he should have said. 
> 
> Stay with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still kinda sad; but fear not, things will get better in a couple of chapters.  
I struggled with this chapter, not sure why. I hope anyone who is reading this story continues to enjoy it.  
The comments so far have been lovely, so thank you. Let me know what you think of this. It's the one chapter I'm not sure about.

Mr Landry watched as Pace trotted slowly up and down the path, Henry; the vet was beside him studying Pace’s every move.

_“Wow. He’s a beauty” Merriell held his hand out for the chestnut stallion to snuffle at. His grin splitting his face in two as the horse’s velvety muzzle tickled his palm._

_“Wanna name him?” Mr Landry huffed a laugh at how fast Merriell’s eyes flew to his face,_

_“You serious?” Merriell was smiling hopefully, but his eyes were big with surprise._

_“Yeah, why not? Ya' been ‘ere a while, and you’ll be trainin’ him ‘n all so......he needs a registered race name and a stable name - you can pick both.”_

_Merriell looked lost in thought, staring at the stallions copper coloured coat, his fingers tangled in his mane. His smile wavered slightly and he looked down quickly as he moved his hand slowly along the horse’s back._

_“Pacific Dream” he murmured, almost as if he was trying the name out, seeing how it would sound on his tongue._

_“Pacific Dream” he turned and looked at Mr Landry. “Pace........Pace for short.”_

_“Pacific Dream? Hmmmmmm I like that....good choice son. Any reason why?”_

_Merriell snorted, “Too many reasons why” he whispered and after patting the newly christened Pace’s neck he wandered off in search of some tack._

Henry’s voice brought Mr Landry back to the present;

“He’ll be ok. He’s still tender but he should be able to train again in about two months” Henry bit the top of his pen watching as the young stable boy led him back to his pasture.

“How’s Merriell?” He asked, voice cautious.

Mr Landry pulled at his moustache, watching as Pace began eating the grass, “No change” he answered, leaning against the fence that surrounded the paddock. The hot sun beat down on the backs of the horses, their coats gleaming; Pace’s hair lighting up like fire, and reminding him of Eugene and his coppery hair.

Pushing away from the fence he clapped Henry on the back

“Thanks, see ya next week?”

Henry nodded as he carried on writing notes in his ledger, not looking up as Mr Landry made his way to his car.

Eugene woke to someone hammering on his door. A look at the clock on the bedside table told him it was 5pm; he’d slept the day away. He needed to get back to Snafu....what if he’d woken? He flung his legs over the bed and woozily headed for the door; his clothes felt sticky and uncomfortable against his warm skin, the New Orleans heat was yet to calm for the evening.

“Comin’ comin’” he called out to whoever it was that was battering his door down.

Mr Landry was standing on the other side as Eugene swung the door open.

“Eugene” he greeted. He looked him up and down taking in his wrinkled clothes and crazy bed head.

“Hello Sir.......I ummmm... sorry I fell asleep” Eugene blushed as he excused his messy appearance.

“That is surely a good thing eh?” He smiled warmly.

“You seen Merriell today?” Mr Landry rocked on the balls of his feet, watching Eugene’s expression carefully.

“Yes, this morning” Eugene answered

“No change” he added morosely.

“Right well....uhhh can I come in? Need to show you something” he pulled an envelope out of the breast pocket of his sports jacket.

“Of course......sorry.” Eugene cringed; where were his manners? His mother would be so disappointed.

“Comfortable enough for ya’ is it?” Mr Landry asked; taking up a lot of space in the little room.

“Oh it’s absolutely fine, thank you.......great view” Eugene pointed to the window.

He prayed that envelope didn’t contain an unsent letter that was meant for him, he couldn’t read anything Merriell had meant for his eyes only in front of someone who was pretty much still a stranger.

Eugene swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat, “What’s in the envelope sir?”

“I think you need to start calling me Don. Looks like we might be spending quite a bit of time together.” His smile was warm and Eugene nodded,

“If you’re sure?”

“I am........here” he pushed the envelope into Eugene’s hands.

“Came this morning.”

Eugene looked down at the cream envelope in his hands, it was unopened and addressed to Snafu.

The black handwriting was vaguely familiar but Eugene couldn’t place where he’d seen it before.

“Don’t think I should open this” he murmured almost to himself. What if it was from some girl or boy that Snafu had been courting? Eugene knew he couldn’t deal with that right now. Yes, Mr Landry.......Don, had said he found all the letters to Eugene, but what if those letters were to tell him he’d found someone else?

“.........from Texas.....” Don spoke to the window, eyes on the road below.

“Does he have family there?”

Texas? Snafu had never mentioned anyone in Texas; his family, or lack thereof, were Louisiana folk born and bred.

Who did he know there?

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Burgie” Eugene whispered, before he tore open the envelope quickly; Don looking over from the window curiously.

Eugene’s hands shook as he unfolded the cream paper and began to read.

_Snaf,_

_So glad to hear you’re still working up at the stud, horses really are the best medicine and can pick you up when you feeling down._

_I’m hoping this reaches you happier than you were in your last letter and that you’ve _ _finally _ _done something about Sledge. I hope you’ve told him. You ll only regret it if you don’t._

_We are all well here, Florence has settled in and we are planning the wedding for next summer. I’m hoping you, and Sledge will come visit for it? It would be very strange if you were both absent._

_I haven’t spoken to Sledge but I trust you have and he is well? I wasn’t sure he wanted any contact as I haven’t heard from him. Please tell him that he is welcome to visit anytime and that I always think of him when I see a gentleman with a pipe._

_Wishing you all the best with the big race tomorrow. Just trust your horse and all will be good._

_Looking forward to your next letter_

_Burgie._

Eugene’s mind began racing again, what did Snafu have to tell him? Why had he told Burgie and not him? He sighed heavily. _Finally done something about Sledge? _What did that mean? What did he have to do?

He got up and paced in the small space beside his bed.

“Everythin’ alright son?” Don watched him as he walked five steps, turned around and walked back the way he came.

“Ummmm no.......yes.....I ......” Eugene pushed his hand through his already crazy hair.

“Did Sna......I mean Merriell......did Merriell ever talk about me?” Eugene asked, hope tinting his voice.

Don sighed.

“Once. He mentioned your name to me once.”

Eugene raised his brows

“Was after ‘is first race. He almost won. But came close to fallin’.........was the weekend my......errrrrr.....my old friend visited and he caught us..........we talked the next day a bit. He told me didn’t matter to ‘im what I did.”

Don took a breath, fiddling with his moustache.

“He said if anythin’ ever happened to ‘im that I was to go and find you.......that you were ‘is only family.....the only one important enough to know.”

Eugene’s eyes immediately filled with tears as he sat heavily into the side of his bed. Why hadn’t Snaf contacted him? Why hadn’t he contacted Snafu?

Fuck. Everything was ruined.

“I think I need to contact Burgie” Eugene muttered to himself. Snafu had obviously been in regular contact with him and Burgie had a right to know what had happened to him.

“There’s a telephone downstairs..... give me his name and I ll get a number for ‘im ............you freshen up son.” Don clapped him on the back as he passed by, heading for the door. Eugene handing him the letter, his face still wet with tears.

“It’s gon’ be alright” he said softly before he closed Eugene’s door gently.

_“I can’t believe ........you haven’t done this before.........” Snafu panted into Eugene’s neck, his warm breath made Eugene shiver._

_“Fuck.......fuck.......feels so good Gene....don’t stop......please don’t stop.”_

_Eugene felt his pride swell at Snafu’s words, he was making Snafu feel like this; causing goosebumps to erupt over his skin, and his pulse race, making his chest flush red and his legs shake, making him feel like he would fall apart under Eugene's hands. Watching the pleasure wash over his face was hypnotising._

_“You’re so beautiful” Eugene whispered, thumbing Snafu’s cheek and kissing him gently._

_He lifted Snafu’s ankles up over his shoulders, and watched as he shuddered; the new position providing Snafu’s prostate with perfect pressure._

_“Oh.......oh god....Gene! There! Right there!” Snafu shouted into the humid air _ _of their tent, Eugene covering his mouth with his hand and picking up his pace, thrusting quickly into Snafu’s tight heat._

_“......Close” Eugene gritted our through his teeth. Sweat beaded at his hairline and dripped down his nose, the heat in the tent stifling._

After leaving a message with Burgie’s mother, Eugene and Don made their way over to the hospital. Eugene’s stomach was in knots again; worried about any change in Snaf’s condition but also worried about no change at all.

Snafu’s room was dark, the curtains pulled across the small window, filtering out the unusually bright evening sun.

Don came in with him, saying he just wanted to say hello and then he’d be on his way again. Eugene was relieved; he liked Don, appreciated his company but he needed to be alone with Snaf right now. He wanted to talk to him.

Eugene half hoped Snaf would be sitting up in bed, smiling and making crude jokes. He was sure that wouldn’t be the case and he wasn’t wrong. Snafu was in the same position he’d been in that morning. He had new, clean bandages on his head and across his face; the untainted white material stark against Snafu’s complexion. Eugene was glad they’d done that when he was absent, he didn’t think he could stomach seeing Snafu’s beautiful face marred by blood and scars.

Don walked to Snaf, squeezing his hand gently “Merriell........good to see you again son......ya' gonna need to wake up soon.....you’ve someone waitin’ on you.” He glanced at Eugene “Someone important.”

Eugene watched with interest. Don seemed very fond of Snafu, treated him almost like a son. He was relieved that Snafu had had someone like that over the last year; he hoped he’d been happy, but Burgie’s letter suggested otherwise.

“I ll see you tomorrow son......maybe you could come up to ma farm? Give you a bit of a break eh?”

“Do you mind if I think about it. I’m not being ungrateful.....I just....I don’t want to be too far away from him.” Eugene stood at the side of Snafu’s bed, he wrung his hands in front of him; desperately wanting to take Snafu’s hand in his own. He’d never done that in front of anyone other than Burgie or Doc before. The thought both thrilled and terrified him.

Don smiled at him and nodded his head, watching fondly as Eugene took Snafu’s hand in his own. His hand was warm and Eugene felt immediately at ease with their palms touching.

“I ll leave you to it.” Don walked quietly out of the room leaving Eugene tripping over his thoughts as he stared at Snafu.

Eugene pulled over the armchair; brought it as close as he could to Snafu’s bedside, sitting down he took Snafu’s hand again and kissed each of his knuckles.

_“I love you” Snafu took Eugene’s hand as they lay out of sight in the sand dunes. He’d placed a soft kiss on the red, cracked skin covering each of his knuckles._

_“So, so much..........scares me sometimes.” Eugene watched as Snafu’s big eyes roamed over the sea, avoiding Eugene’s eyes; seemingly embarrassed to admit his feelings._

_“It’s mutual, y’know that right?” Eugene carded his fingers through Snafu’s wild curls, pulling him forward and pressing their lips together._

_“I can’t imagine my life without you in it” Eugene whispered as he nosed behind Snafu’s ear._

_“Cher......” Snafu whined, pulling Eugene down on top of him; the sand sticking to his sweaty skin._

Eugene felt silly as he tried to decide what to say first, it wasn’t as if Snaf could actually hear him.

Marjorie had said talking to him might help him, so he was willing to give it a go. Maybe, just maybe it might help Snafu wake up.

“Snaf.....I’m so sorry.”

Eugene clasped Snafu’s hand between his, resting his forehead on their joined hands. He closed his eyes and just let everything out. Everything he should have said in China. Everything he should have said on the train. Everything he should have put in a letter.

There was one constant. At all those times there was one thing he should have said.

_Stay with me._

Snafu listened. The voice was back; the voice that calmed his racing heart and made him try so, so hard to tear down the darkness around him and attempt to open his eyes. When the voice was gone, the urge to fight was gone too, and he gave into the dark again.

Snafu struggled. Tried to swim through the murky darkness, he needed to see the source of that voice, he knew that voice, had loved that voice; but his brain wouldn’t allow him to go too far and would pull him back down, down and down into the inky black once more.

The frustration that he could hear but not see, could smell but not feel was overwhelming.

He felt like a puppet with his strings cut and it terrified him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s go then” Burgie pushed Sledge in the shoulder gently to get him moving.  
“You need to sleep” he told him. 
> 
> “I slept last night....at the hospital.”
> 
> “No I mean proper sleep.....in a bed” Burgie could see the bags under Sledge’s eyes, his heavy eye lids and pale complexion. He looked like he did after Okinawa.
> 
> “Can’t....never been able to sleep the whole night since I got back. Not unless.....” he looked away not finishing his sentence.
> 
> “Not unless you’re with Snaf?” Burgie finished for him.  
Sledge looked at him, his sad eyes made him look a little like a puppy. Burgie watched him swallow; his Adam’s apple prominent under the skin of his thin neck.  
“Yeah” He whispered and looked away again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is still so sad. It will get better I promise.  
Let's just be grateful for the man that is Romus Burgin; Eugene sure is.
> 
> Please note the addition of a tag regarding suicide - its the tiniest, briefest mention and no one actually uses those words; but its implied so...

Burgie; arriving home late from working on the ranch with his father, found his mother in the kitchen with Florence. They both looked up as he walked in, their faces etched with concern.

“Everythin’ ok?” Burgie asked as he headed for the sink to wash up.

“Romus, please come sit. I have some news.” His mum glanced helplessly at Florence, silently willing her to deliver the news.

Burgie frowned as he sat in the wooden chair opposite Florence. She grabbed his hand and squeezed, a sad smile on her face.

“Darling, someone called earlier......a friend of yours.”

“Right. Who was it?” Burgie was getting worried. His mother and fiancé’s demeanour was unusual.

“A Eugene Sledge. You know him?” She asked.

“Sledge? Yes, yes.....we served together...haven’t heard from him in a long time though. Is everything ok?”

As Florence told him that Snafu was in the hospital, Burgie could feel his stomach lurching and a lump forming in his throat.

Not Snafu? Surely not? Not the man that got him through the war with his no nonsense attitude and quick witted humour.

“Romus? Are you ok darling?” Florence was beside him, peering at him.

“You’re very pale.”

“Did......did Sledge leave the name of the hospital?” Burgie asked

“Yes, it’s on the notepad by the telephone.” His mother’s face was etched in concern as Burgie left the kitchen and headed to his room.

Florence had had no issue with him leaving for a few days, she said that he needed to be with his friend.

As Burgie stood on the station platform his worry grew. Sledge hadn’t said how serious Snafu’s injuries were, maybe he was rushing to New Orleans for no reason? But Sledge wouldn’t have called if Snafu had just broken an arm or something.

As the train pulled to a stop in front of him, Burgie attempted to push back the panic that surged through him and concentrated on his journey ahead.

Arriving at the hospital in the middle of the night probably wasn’t the best idea, but the nurse on reception took pity on him and his dishevelled, exhausted state and allowed him to visit Snafu for a short time.

Bleary eyed,Burgie followed the maze of corridors to Snafu’s room. Peering through the little window in the pale coloured door he could see a small lamp on the bedside table and a figure hunched over the bed.

The door squeaked as Burgie pushed it open, neither occupant of the room stirring as he walked quietly in and looked around the half pulled curtain.

His heart clenched at the sight that greeted him; Sledge, sitting on a chair but hunched over the bed grabbing tightly to Snafu’s hand. His head was pillowed on his other arm as he snored softly.

Tears pooled in Burgie’s eyes as he took in Snafu’s appearance. The bloody bandages over head and left eye, the dark purple bruising across his chest and shoulder and the plaster cast hugging his ankle that he could see through the thin bed sheets. Memories of friends wounded in The Pacific had him heaving a breath and grabbing onto the end of Snafu’s bed, knuckles white.

He was grateful for Sledge’s phone call, this was evidently as serious as he’d worried it would be.

Must have been that race, thought Burgie as he staggered to the arm chair on the other side of Snafu’s bed. He felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of him.

What the hell had happened? He’d had enough falls off horses himself to know that it was easily done; especially when racing, but the bandages on Snafu’s head and face were worrying and made his stomach clench with nerves.

As he sat in the chair, exhaustion finally caught up with him. Making himself as comfortable as he could in the lumpy chair, he drifted off.

_“Where the hell are they?” Bill was getting annoyed. It was the third time this week Snafu and Sledge had disappeared._

_“I’m sure they ll be back soon” Burgie murmured over the cover of his book. Bill was pacing, a worried look on his face as he stared down the path towards the beach._

_“I’m gonna go find them. What if something has happened?” He looked at Burgie._

_“Relax, they’re just enjoying their downtime. Which is what you should be doing.....they’re probably swimmin’ or somethin’.”Burgie had a suspicion that wasn’t what they were doing; he’d seen the looks between the two of them, the loaded glances and brushing of their hands. It was none of his business what they got up to, he just hoped they weren’t ever caught by the wrong person._

_“Right, I’m gonna find them, they’ve been gone for hours” Bill stormed down the path._

_“Wait!” Burgie flung himself off his bunk and ran after Bill. He definitely didn’t want Bill finding them and seeing whatever it is they might be doing._

_“I ll help yeah?” He clapped Bill on the back. “You follow that path to the left and I ll go this way.....be quicker huh?”_

_Burgie jogged on ahead, knowing full well where the two of them had gone. They thought they were smart, but Burgie had seen them heading this way when they’d “gone for a walk” a couple of times in the last few days._

_This path headed to the quieter part of the beach, near the sand dunes. He suspected that’s where he’d find them._

_He heard Sledge first;_

_“Why....you little............fuck....Snaf.......”_

_And then Snafu’s unmistakable accent drifted on the breeze;_

_“You like that huh? Not so innocent are you Cher?”_

_Burgie blew out a breath; he really didn’t want to disturb whatever it was they were doing, but he didn’t want someone else finding them and the two of them being court marshalled._

_He walked to where the sand dune flattened to join the beach and looked over the tall grass._

_The sight before him made him smile; Snafu was in Sledge’s lap, both his hands cupping the other’s cheeks as he kissed him slowly. Sledge’s fingers were buried in Snafu’s wild curls._

_Burgie averted his eyes as Snafu moaned and began grinding his groin into Sledge’s._

_He had to say something before someone else found their hiding place._

_“Ummm ...Snaf! Sledge!” He whisper shouted through the grass._

_“There’s people lookin’ for you!”_

_Burgie popped his head up over the grass again to see Sledge looking like he was gonna throw up, and Snafu grinning like a cat that got the cream._

_He pulled himself up over the dune and sat down next to them, purposefully ignoring where Snafu still sat on Sledge’s thighs, a bulge prominent in his dungarees._

_“Listen......” Sledge was red in the face, he stared at Burgie, his eyes pleading._

_Burgie held up his hand,_

_“Sledge.....don’t. I’ve... well I’ve kinda suspected this for a while.”_

_He watched as Snafu raised his brows_

_“Really?” He asked_

_“Yeah you two ain’t subtle...... but no one else has said anythin’ and they sure as hell won’t hear it from me.” He smiled encouragingly at them both_

_“Besides you are kinda cute together” Burgie laughed and watched as relief washed over Sledge’s face._

_“Thank you” he whispered, his thumb rubbing circles into Snafu’s hand where it laid joined with his own on his thigh._

_“Thanks Burgie......seriously.” Snafu murmured._

_“We ain’t fuckin’ around either.....just so you know. I......I love ‘im.......” he stared resolutely at the pale sand and waited for Burgie’s response._

_Sledge stared at Snafu, his face literally radiating how much he loved him back._

_Burgie grinned at them._

_“You know this stays with me....I’m happy for you.”_

_Snafu looked up at him again with that cocky smile Burgie was so used to._

_“If you so ‘appy, maybe you could stand guard while we finish what we started ‘ere?”_

_“Snaf!” Eugene’s face was flushed and he eyed Burgie with a look of thanks? Hopefulness? Burgie wasn’t sure, but he knew that whoever you were out here, if you found any happiness at all then it should be grabbed with both hands._

_Which is exactly what Sledge did as he pulled Snafu down on top of him as Snafu laughed and Burgie made his exit._

Burgie’s neck was sore when he woke, the arm chair not the best place for a nap. He had overstayed the “short visit” the nurse had said was allowed, the sun beating down outside behind the thin curtains.

“Good morning” a blonde nurse greeted him with a smile.

“Nice to see Mr Shelton has another visitor”

“I’m sorry I fell asleep; I ll be on my way” Burgie stood and stretched as the nurse replied

“No need! Mr.....?”

“Burgin. Romus Burgin.” He held out a hand to shake with the nurse.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Marjorie” she placed the chart back on the end of Snafu’s bed.

Crossing her arms she looked carefully at Eugene.

“He’s stayed here two nights now. He won’t leave.”

“I’m not surprised” Burgie added

“They’re............they're best friends”

“You know them both?”

“Served with them. Over in The Pacific. Haven’t seen Sledge in a year or so, but Snafu and I are pretty good friends.” Burgie leant forward, his elbows on his knees.

“How bad is this? I mean I’ve seen injuries.....horse injuries....but....” he pointed at Snafu’s face covered by the now almost completely red bandage.

“You haven’t spoken to Eugene?” Majorie was surprised.

“No he was sleeping when I arrived.....should.........should I be worried?”

“I’m afraid so” she nodded grimly.

“He’s been unconscious for five days”

“Shit” Burgie wrung his hands together. How the hell was Eugene coping with this?

“Excuse my language.” He muttered.

Majorie smiled politely.

“No problem. Maybe we should wake sleeping beauty here?”

Eugene could vaguely hear voices. Marjorie was talking to someone. A man. Was.......was Snafu awake? He jolted up suddenly, his heart beating wildly; and came face to face with Burgie.

“You came” was all he could say before he burst into tears that stung his tired eyes and made his nose run.

Burgie took Sledge for breakfast in the diner a block from the hospital. It was busy and noisy and Sledge revelled in it; the quiet of the hospital was getting to him. He was sick of the sound of his own voice as he talked to Snaf, the sound of the clock ticking, the hushed voices of the nurses. He just wanted to yell and scream and hit things over how upset he was and how guilty he felt for not making contact with the man, who, he was beginning to realise; was the love of his life.

“How are you? Really?” Burgie asked; after handing the waitress the menus. He’d ordered for both of them as Sledge evidently didn’t have the brain power to make a simple decision this morning.

“I’ve felt better” he smiled weakly as he looked down sadly at the table.

“Burgie....... can we leave talking about the medical stuff till after? I don’t think I can do that right now.” Sledge picked at a bit of plasticFormica coming away from the red table,

“I........I just wish he’d wake up........I miss him" he said softly.

Burgie’s heart broke. Evidently Sledge wasn’t coping with this at all. And he was alone, he wondered could he stay the week?

“You no one here with you?” He enquired

“No....... well Don.....the man Snaf worked for.. he visits every day.......”

“Ahhh yeah, Snafu mentioned him alright. When... when did you move down here?” Burgie took a sip of the strong black coffee placed down in front of him and watched as Sledge looked mighty confused.

“What?” Sledge’s brow furrowed at Burgie’s question.

“I arrived down two days ago. Don came to get me...... Snaf had me as his next of kin.”

“Son of a bitch didn’t tell you did he?” Burgie looked annoyed and Sledge had a feeling this had something to do with what he’d read in the letter _“Finally done something about Sledge.”_

“I can’t do this here......please” the pain on Sledge’s face was upsetting, reminded Burgie of when Ack-Ack had been killed.

“Whatever you’re gonna say will probably make me cry.......again......so” he wiped at his eyes and took his food from the waitress. Appetite gone he pushed his bacon and grits around the plate and tried not to think about what Burgie was gonna tell him.

Burgie paid the check; while Sledge stood outside smoking.

“Where you staying” He asked as he joined him on the sidewalk; the Louisiana heat bouncing off the road.

“Hotel just across from the hospital” Sledge answered, blowing smoke into the still, humid air.

“Let’s go then” Burgie pushed Sledge in the shoulder gently to get him moving.

“You need to sleep” he told him.

“I slept last night....at the hospital.”

“No I mean proper sleep.....in a bed” Burgie could see the bags under Sledge’s eyes, his heavy lids and pale complexion. He looked like he did after Okinawa.

“Can’t....never been able to sleep the whole night since I got back. Not unless.....” he looked away not finishing his sentence.

“Not unless you’re with Snaf?” Burgie finished for him.

Sledge looked at him, his sad eyes made him look a little like a puppy. Burgie watched him swallow; his Adam’s apple prominent under the skin of his thin neck.

“Yeah” He whispered and looked away again.

Burgie couldn’t stand to see Sledge like this; he was such a positive, kind hearted guy; saw the good in everyone, but Burgie struggled to see that in him right now. He was a shell of the man he fought with, he needed something to hold on to when everything else was crashing down around him. 

Burgie knew himself how Florence arriving in Texas had saved him from himself, she had been like an anchor to him; stopped him floating away into the recesses of his own mind. But Sledge had never had that; Burgie knew something that may just pull Sledge back to the man he really was and the man Snafu needed right now.

_Snafu was breathing heavy, his chest rising and falling fast beneath his sweaty uniform._

_He glanced at Sledge, watching as he took a drink from his canteen._

_“Thanks” he placed his hand on Sledge’s forearm._

_“Thanks for coming back for me”_

_Eugene shrugged, smiling shyly at him._

_Snafu confused him. He’d been an asshole the first day they’d met; but Sledge found it hard to stay away from him. Snafu obviously hadn’t been Sledge’s biggest fan either, yet they’d been drawn to each other. Yeah they were in the mortar squad together, but during their downtime they were always together. Sledge found he didn’t mind at all. He felt safe with Snafu; as safe as you could feel out here anyway._

_There’s no way in hell Sledge wouldn’t have gone back for him._

Sledge felt like his body wasn’t his as he made his way up the creaky hotel staircase; Burgie following close behind.

“I ll just put my bag in my room” Burgie gestured to the door opposite Sledge’s.

Sledge nodded, opening his door and leaving it ajar as he dropped onto the freshly made bed.

He needed to muster some energy together to explain to Burgie what had happened to Snaf; he’d come all the way here, he deserved to know. The thought of talking about Snafu’s injuries made his stomach lurch and tears pool in the corner of his eyes. He covered his face with his hands, blowing out a breath and attempting to collect himself.

The click of the door and then a touch to his shin, made him jump,

“Okay?” Asked Burgie.

His face was so full of sympathy and kindness that Eugene threw himself into his arms; sobbing into his shirt for the second time in just a few hours.

Burgie hugged him tight, he could only imagine how Sledge was feeling right now.

“Eugene” The name felt foreign on his tongue. He’d never used his forename, but it seemed called for in this moment.

“He’s gonna die Burgie” muffled words, as Eugene wailed into his shirt.

“He’s gonna die.........and he...........he won’t know how much I love him.” Eugene grabbed Burgie’s shirt, holding on tight.

“I can’t do this.......can’t......he’s......I love him....if he goes....then I........”

_“No” _Burgie thought, no. He was not having Sledge thinking like that.

“Eugene” Burgie prised him off his shirt, heart breaking at how broken Sledge looked as his face came into view.

Eugene was slightly embarrassed, but having Burgie around; someone who had spent so much time with himself and Snaf meant that he could let go, be himself. Burgie had seen him at his lowest before; after Ack Ack’s death, after Okinawa.

Burgie was the first person that ever knew about their relationship, had supported them, had kept his promise and never told a soul.

“Sledge......we need to talk” Burgie ducked his head trying to make eye contact with Eugene; who was staring at the bedspread beneath him, picking at a loose thread.

“I’m so tired” Eugene muttered

“I know, I know.......but listen” Burgie ran his hands through his hair

“You need some help.....I dunno how else to help you.......I need to tell you something.”

Burgie knew what he was about to say could make everything worse. But it was worth it so that Sledge knew just how much Snafu had wanted to be with him. It might give him something to cling onto during this horrendous time; might stop Sledge losing his footing and floating away.

_January 1947_

_Burgie,_

_I’ve made a mistake. Such a big mistake don’t think it can ever be fixed. I’m so unhappy._

_Pace helps, but only cos his coat reminds me of him and his red hair._

_I love him so much. And I just left him. I’m such a fool. But he’d never want me forever; I have nothing to offer him._

_I came here cause I thought it would be a new start, new beginning away from everythin. I don’t belong anywhere, I never have. But I can’t stop thinking about him._

_Never thought we could be together after comin home._

_But Burgie, my boss he’s the same as me and Gene. Me and Gene could be here together. Shit that’s a secret don’t tell anyone._

_But what do I do? I need him here. Miss him so so much. I can’t sleep at night without him._

_Should I go to Bama? His folks will probably wanna kill me, but it would be worth it just to see him again._

_Burgie what do I do?_

_Snafu_

Burgie thought about the three other letters Snafu had sent him up until his accident. They all said the same; Snafu rambled about how much he loved Sledge, how he'd fucked everything up, but then he'd comment on how they should be together. The content of the letters jumped about like Snafu was desperately trying to write down everything that came into his head. He was so in love with Sledge, but so scared he’d never be enough for him.

“Sledge?” Burgie sat facing Eugene on the bed. Eugene was sitting up against the pillows, wiping his nose and red eyes with a handkerchief.

“Snafu wrote me a lot” Burgie watched as Eugene’s eyes met his own. He nodded

“Yeah I know” he answered and Burgie was confused as hell.

“He tell you that?”

“No” Eugene was leaning over to reach an envelope on the bedside table.

“Here” he tossed the cream envelope to Burgie, who recognised it instantly.

“Arrived yesterday. Don gave it to me”

Burgie opened out the page inside, eyes falling on the “Did you do anything about Sledge yet?”

Looking up he saw Eugene watching him carefully.

“Is that what you wanna talk to me about?” Eugene questioned.

_Eugene’s heart beat wildly in his chest; so hard he was mildly concerned. But not as concerned as he was about the fact he and Snaf had been separated from the rest of the squad._

_The gunfight has been long, drawn out; but they’d both managed to find a large rock to flee behind in order to reload their weapons._

_The gun fire had stopped abruptly and everything was quiet; eerily so. They waited for a command but nothing came._

_“They’ll come lookin’.......don’t worry” Snafu’s big eyes wandered his face._

_Eugene nodded, licking his parched lips he tasted coppery blood on his tongue._

_“Hey....what you do to yerself?” Snafu reached out and smeared the blood off his bottom lip with his thumb. His eyes never left Eugene’s as he pulled his bottom lip down, checking the inside._

_All the air left Eugene’s lungs, as he felt himself bite down gently on Snafu’s thumb. It was like he was watching himself do it from afar._

_He had to admit that he and Snafu were close, closer than they probably should of been. Any touch from Snafu sent a fire through his belly; he was confused, turned on and scared all at once._

_Snafu smiled at Eugene’s action, resting his gun against his leg, he wiggled even closer. Eugene could see the flecks of blue and green in his grey eyes; distantly, he thought that he’d never been this close to his face before._

_They were both breathing fast, air mixing in the small space between their mouths; Snafu’s thumb still caught between Eugene’s teeth._

_Eugene licked his tongue over the pad of skin and Snafu swore._

_“Sledge.......do you know what you do to me?”_

_Eugene didn’t have time to respond as Snafu pulled his thumb from between his teeth and closed the gap between them._

_My first kiss; Eugene smiled against Snafu’s lips. He may not have wanted to admit it, but he had been wanting this for a long time._

_It was time to give in._

“He loves you Sledge” Eugene was pulled from his daydream, Burgie’s voice startling him; reminding him he wasn’t alone.

Burgie watched as Eugene’s eyes grew big.

He swallowed, “What........what did you say?”

“He loves you...........always has”

Eugene got up off the bed and began pacing; pulling at his hair. His heart beat erratically and his stomach lurched. Had he really gone all this time thinking Snaf had used him? Had pretended to be in love so he had a distraction from the horrors of war?

_“He loves you” _Funny fucking way of showing it he thought. But then he loved Snaf and he’d done nothing at all to resolve the situation himself had he?

Eugene rounded on Burgie

“You lyin’ to me?” He snarled, pushing a finger into Burgie’s chest.

Burgie had rarely seen Sledge so angry, he was normally so calm and reserved.

“No! Sledge no......I’m not.” He pushed his finger off his chest and stood up.

Grabbing Sledge’s biceps with his hands he shook him slightly.

“He loves you.....wanted to be with you....still does.”

“Then why did he leave me on that goddamn train huh?” Eugene’s face was red, his eyes although tired looked fierce in the light shining through the big window behind him.

Burgie wished he’d brought the letters with him, they said everything that Sledge needed to hear.

“It wasn’t because he didn’t love you. He was scared. Scared that you could never be together like you wanted.”

Some of the anger disappeared from Eugene’s face and he stepped back out of Burgie’s grip.

“We could have tried” he said to himself.

“Snafu always told me he thought you could do better. You were from such different worlds. He never thought he was enough for you.”

Burgie remembered the letter where Snafu had told him he felt like a waste of Eugene’s time and that Eugene would find a pretty Southern belle and settle down, have kids like he was supposed to.

“I never did anything to make him think that” Sledge spoke in a small voice

“He knew how much I loved him.........still do........probably love him more now...if that’s possible.”

Burgie sighed, pulling Sledge into a hug.

“We all know....and you more than anyone.... how complicated Snafu is.......he...he’s insecure...acts all tough and like he don’t care...but...”

“I know” Sledge nodded “I know”

“I need to see him” Sledge looked at Burgie.

“I need to see him now”

Burgie nodded.

Eugene was desperate to hold him, wanted to feel his small, strong body in his arms.

He was beginning to wonder would he ever have that chance again.


End file.
